


Sacrifice

by thunderstorm (ConsultingTimelordWizard)



Series: 30 Days of Mass Effect [6]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Grief/Mourning, Mass Effect 1, Platonic Relationships, Post-Virmire, Sacrifice, Virmire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-15
Updated: 2017-11-15
Packaged: 2019-02-03 00:02:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12736989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConsultingTimelordWizard/pseuds/thunderstorm
Summary: "Father had always said getting cocky only ended in the deaths of innocents. John had learned that far too well on Torfan, and Jane had sworn she’d learn from her brother’s mistake when it came to the Normandy’s crew.Kaidan and Ashley both being self-sacrificing didn’t help relieve the stress of the situation at all."The infamous Virmire mission and Jane's thoughts of it all.





	Sacrifice

Jane was going to kill Saren if it was the last thing she did. Until she had that opportunity, she had to kill someone else first. 

She’d been foolish to think this mission would be easier than Feros or Noveria. The Council had said they’d lost contact with the salarian team, yet somehow that had translated to  _ not a big plant or Rachnai _ in Jane’s mind. She could deal with lost contact. Her team was more than equipped to deal with geth and whatever Saren was cooking up in that facility. It was more than that, though, and Jane should’ve noticed that the moment she nearly had to kill Wrex.

Virmire was no ordinary mission.

Splitting Ashley and Kaidan up put her on edge, but the two both knew their duties as Alliance soldiers: stop the threat at any cost. Kaidan’s biotics would help the salarian team fend off the geth, and Ashley’s training would help her keep any hostiles away from the bomb while it was being set up. Jane kept Garrus and Wrex at either side of her, sending Liara and Tali back to the Mako for pick-up by the Normandy. She should’ve ordered them to help Kaidan, or to protect Ashley, but Jane was confident in her team’s performance. 

Father had always said getting cocky only ended in the deaths of innocents. John had learned that far too well on Torfan, and Jane had sworn she’d learn from her brother’s mistake when it came to the Normandy’s crew. 

The facility was horrific. Saren’s supposed genophage cure was more like a cloning factory, and Jane could practically feel Wrex’s rage radiating off of him as they passed through the rooms where the cloning took place. A mockery to the krogan race, if she recalled his wording correctly. What was worse was that Sovereign wasn’t a ship, but a live synthetic. Sovereign had control over Saren and the geth, not Saren himself. He was indoctrinated like Matriarch Benezia was, and Jane could feel pity roll over her. If that was the case, then maybe Saren had thought he was doing good after all, but fell under Sovereign’s influence. 

It was when she was heading toward the AA Tower that the geth came in full force.

Kaidan and Ashley both being self-sacrificing didn’t help relieve the stress of the situation at all.

“You can’t just make me chose between you two!” Jane snapped, pacing the roof and shaking her head. She wanted to pull her hair out; how did they expect her to make that kind of choice?

“Commander, you don’t have time to get us both,” Kaidan said, the sound of gunfire punctuating each of his words. Jane closed her eyes and looked down at the ground, ignoring Wrex’s uncomfortable shifting and Garrus’ hand on her shoulder. It took all her effort to not shake him off. She knew he meant well.

“Like hell I don’t. I’m not leaving either of you behind.”

“Shepard, we don’t have time to argue!” Ashley snapped. “Get Kaidan out of here and get off this rock!”

“Negative, Commander. Get Ashley and set that bomb off.”

Jane shook her head again and turned to face Wrex and Garrus, hoping they’d have some sort of solution. At the lack of response, she groaned and patched in Joker. “Joker, can you get the Mako dropped off at Kaidan’s location? We need immediate assistance!”

“Negative, Commander, the fighting’s too hot. We’ll barely get to you as it is.”

“Dammit!” Jane kicked a rock and watched it soar off the roof, ignoring the frustrated tears rolling down her face. “... Kaidan, hold your position,” she said quietly. “Fight until the last breath, Lt.”

“Shepard, you can’t be serious!”

“Ash, you know it’s the right choice. And Shepard? It’s been an honor.”

Jane turned on her heel and went back to the elevator, back to the bomb and back to Ashley. “The honor has been mine, Kaidan.”

***

“Commander, that was a bullshit move you pulled back there!” Ashley snapped, tossing her helmet across the armory with more force than necessary and reaching to undo the rest of her armor. “I should’ve been the one to stay behind. Kaidan was far more valuable--”

“You think I don’t know he was valuable?” Jane snapped, dropping her gauntlet and turning to stare Ashley down. Behind her, Wrex and Garrus froze in their movements and remained quiet, as if any comments would set Jane off more. Jane couldn’t say they wouldn’t. “Kaidan was a valuable part of the team, and if I could’ve helped it he would be here right now. But you know what?”

“What?”

“If I’d left you behind and saved Kaidan instead, I’d be saying the same damn thing.” Her other gauntlet dropped, and Jane slid down to the armory floor to catch her breath. There was no point in fighting. Not when they should be mourning. “If I could’ve saved both of you, I would have. Hell, I tried to, but it wasn’t possible. Don’t call my decision bullshit, because I’d like to see you in the same position.”

“Shepard…”

“Don’t, Ash. Just don’t blame me, alright?”

Ashley was quiet long enough that Jane finally met her eyes to see if she was alright. Ashley was sitting at her side, hair down from her normally perfect bun and hanging messily around her shoulders. She had matching tears streaming down her face, much like Jane did. “I don’t blame you,” she said quietly. “I just wish he didn’t have to die.”

Jane was grateful when she heard Wrex and Garrus leave the armory, and she moved to pull Ashley into a hug. “Me too, Ash. Me too.”

And if both women sat there crying over their lost squadmate for longer than Jane thought possible, neither of them said anything.


End file.
